Ute Carbone
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Inside the Writer's Garret

On writing and life, with a little chocolate thrown in from time to time.

Who Me? #InsecureWriter's Blog

2/6/2019

19 Comments

 
Picture

I have a critic who lives in my head.  I call her Zelda. On a side note, if you have a critic living in your head, I suggest you name her or him or it and treat them like another person.  It seems to help. Anyway, Zelda can, occasionally, be helpful. But mostly, she is not. 
Case in point, exhibit A if you will, is a mentor program offered up by my Women's Fiction group. The group decided to start a mentor/mentee program. The pilot program would last for three months, during which the mentor would answer questions, do a little hand holding, and maybe critique a few pages of work by the mentee.  It was a fabulous idea. But I decided to sit it out. I've been at this writing thing for 20 years now, and I felt a mentor wasn't exactly what I needed. And as far as being a mentor? Well, that's where Zelda comes in. She told me I wasn't qualified. I knew she'd continue to nag at me, and I didn't need the aggravation.
Then I got a message from the Women's Fiction group in my e-mail box. The mentor program had oodles of writers signing up to be mentored but not enough to do the mentoring. The people putting together the program were sending out another call and hoped more mentors would step up and volunteer. So I thought about it again, thought about all the various experiences I'd had over  the years of my writing journey, and decided to offer up my services.
As expected, Zelda had a little something to say about this.  Actually, she had a lot to say about this. 
We had a heated conversation about it.
"What makes you think you can be a mentor?" Zelda asked. She looked at me kindly, letting me know she was again trying to save me from myself.
I considered my answer. "Well, I have been writing for over 20 years."
"Honey, there are writers who began as children, scribbling three word stories in crayon. Writing a long time does not make you an expert."
She was already beginning to get to me. "Okay, I ran a writing workshop for twelve years."
Zelda swooshed a hand through the air like batting away a fly. "That little thing? You never had more than a dozen students at time. It was purely local-yokel."
"It was designed to limit to a few students," I was not about to let her belittle twelve years of my life. "And so what if it was local?"
"All right fine. It was a wonderful little program. But all you did was encourage first drafts. You didn't get into the meat and potatoes of critique, did you?"
It was true, the program I ran was to encourage first drafts. Critique wasn't part of it. "I've worked with critique partners. I've worked with editors. Last I looked..." I stopped to make a count in my head "I have 9 novels, 4 novellas, and a bunch of short stories in my publishing credits."
"Published by teeny tiny  publishers." She made a small space with her thumb and forefinger to illustrate. 
"They were published by publishers."
"If only there were sales involved. If you write a book that has no sales, have you really written a book?"
She knew this would be a stinging blow. And it was. Every time lack of sales come up, I feel like a total incompetent. But I wasn't ready to give in yet. "I've gotten great reviews."
This made her role her eyes. "Please tell me you're not going to say my friends like my books. You might as well say your mother liked them."
"Come on. That's not fair. I've gotten actual reviews from people I don't know. I've won awards."
"What? The teeny tiny publisher  awarded your novel book of the year?"
"Not just my publisher. I've won an EPIC. "
She looked at me and shook her head. "Hardly a Pulitzer, is it?"
She'd done it again. Totally dejected, near tears, I told her she'd won. "You're right. I'm an abject failure. I don't know why I'd think I have anything to offer anybody."
Zelda gave me a hard stare. "No one likes a whiner. Cut it out and stop feeling  sorry for yourself."


Thanks for reading this month's therapy session. For more writer insecurities, check out the Insecure Writer's Blog hop by clicking on the link below.
​

 

Insecure Writer's Support Group
19 Comments
J.S. Pailly link
2/6/2019 11:08:12 am

I definitely agree that giving your inner critic a name and finding ways to talk things out with her can be helpful. I kind of do the same thing with my muse. Feelings of self doubt can be hard to deal with when they're vague, but when you turn them into a specific character it becomes a whole lot easier to address those concerns.

Reply
utecarbone
2/6/2019 12:23:23 pm

Yes. exactly. It makes the whole thing a lot less intimidating, I think. :)

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Liz Hinds link
2/6/2019 12:24:02 pm

Oh I have a Zelda. I really should name her. I do hope you will kick her butt and do some mentoring. From what you say I think you'd be good at it.

Reply
Ute Carbone
2/6/2019 01:59:28 pm

Aww, thanks. I did sign up to do it. 😃

Reply
Ellen Cordery link
2/6/2019 01:14:18 pm

Wow! I haven't done even a fifth of what you've done with your writing -- somehow it's comforting to know that someone further along on this journey still battles that inner critic. Thank you for writing this!

Reply
Ute Carbone
2/6/2019 02:01:00 pm

Thanks for the comment. Honestly? I think we all suffer the inner critic.

Reply
Alex J. Cavanaugh link
2/6/2019 03:15:57 pm

I hope you became a mentor anyway. And told Zelda she could stuff the small publisher stuff.
Welcome to the IWSG!

Reply
ute carbone
2/6/2019 03:45:57 pm

Thanks Alex!

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Andrea link
2/6/2019 05:44:31 pm

It sounds like you need an "anti-Zelda." :-) I hope you do become a mentor. You've got more than enough experience, and helping teach other writers actually helps you become a better writer yourself, as you have to figure out answers and how to word advice for others. Go for it!

Reply
ute Carbone
2/7/2019 10:01:30 am

Thanks. You're so right about learning while trying to help others. It's a win-win.

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Jennifer Shelby link
2/6/2019 06:50:10 pm

Ha! That was a little too real...

Reply
Ute Carbone
2/7/2019 10:02:18 am

Yeah. One good bad thing is that we all have a Zelda.

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Elizabeth Seckman link
2/7/2019 12:59:59 am

I have a Zelda. I could win a Pulitzer and she'd ask me if it was rigged.
Feed her chocolate and tell her to be quiet.

Reply
Ute Carbone
2/7/2019 10:04:26 am

I think your Zelda and mine and besties, lol. I'm pretty sure mine would use the rigged line. Chocolate does help. Or, if all else fails, I can lock her into the trunk.

Reply
gil stewart link
2/8/2019 02:05:59 pm

Ute - Your critic naming is better than mine. 'Zelda' has a bit of class to it. I call mine 'Dummy,' and though he always knows who I'm talking to, he seems not to pay attention unless he gets his way.

I think it's because I long ago stopped listening to his silly advice.

Reply
ute
2/12/2019 11:56:09 am

Dummy is an excellent name. :)

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Michelle Wallace link
2/9/2019 08:27:41 am

Every writer has a Zelda tucked away somewhere. Some writers know when to let her out and when to gag her and bind her to a chair. Hopefully we can all get to that stage where we mute her voice because let's face it, she's an intrinsic part of a writer's journey and here to stay. I hope you took up the mentor challenge.
IWSG February Co-host

Reply
Ute
2/12/2019 11:57:29 am

She spends a lot of time in the trunk of my car. :)

Reply
Ronel Janse van Vuuren link
2/15/2019 04:21:33 am

We all have a Zelda. I haven't named mine -- I'm afraid it will give her more power ;-)
Cheer up -- you can always take Zelda out and beat her like a rug. Or kill her off in a story...

Ronel visiting for Feb's IWSG Day <a href="http://www.ronelthemythmaker.com/being-an-insecure-writer-and-happy-about-it-iwsg/">Being an Insecure Writer -- And Happy About It</a>

Reply



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